Some of the younger gay men I’ve befriended lately have started asking questions. Honest, wide-eyed, sometimes awkward questions. The kind that remind you they didn’t live through what we older gay men did.

One of them (a sweet, smart 27-year-old with eyebrows better groomed than my entire social circle in 1987) asked me, “Why are you guys so mad all the time?”

He meant it kindly. He wasn’t being a jerk. He just noticed that many of us older gays tend to speak about politics the way someone might talk about a gas leak—nervous, watchful, and ready to evacuate at a moment’s notice.

So I told him.

Back in college, I called 911 when a friend needed emergency care. He was in bad shape. When the ambulance showed up, the EMTs did their thing; until they found out he was HIV positive. Then they did something that still makes my stomach turn.

They got back in their ambulance and drove away. They left us there. Like we weren’t worth the risk. Like he wasn’t worth saving. The 27-year-old sat silently for a moment. Then his eyes welled up. “I didn’t know that kind of thing actually happened,” he said. “That’s… horrible.”

Yes. It was. And that was just one story. Others lost partners, best friends, whole chosen families. Some were fired, evicted, abandoned. Many died without even the dignity of a funeral. It wasn’t just a public health crisis—it was a moral failure. A slow-motion disaster with a soundtrack of silence.

So, if you’ve ever wondered why your older gay friends have a certain tone when talking about the Supreme Court, or Florida, or anyone who starts a sentence with “family values” — this is why.

We remember. And we can’t forget.

Young gays: please keep asking. Keep listening. We don’t tell these stories because we want pity or praise. We tell them so you’ll know what was lost—and what’s still at stake. – Scott, Palm Springs, California

What’s your story? Let us know! Send an e-mail to charles@personalstoriesproject.org to share yours!

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